truth is an elusive thing, it morphs and dances away from groping fingers, but there are statements that i know to be true.
- i have a propensity for doing stupid things
- i still wish jon was my friend, he was one of the best friends i ever had
- i would never do anything to intentionally hurt him.
on wednesday, i tried to figure out what i had done to make jon so furious. so i wrote down everything that i remember from when things started to change until roughly now. there are probably things that i have forgotten, but what i did remember upset me quite enough to have an effect. wandering thoughts lead to bad memories, and bad memories to stupid actions. but the thing that i did realize is that unless there is something huge that i missed, i didn't do anything wrong to him. i never cheated, and i did nothing intending to hurt him. so i don't know what to do, because i don't know what i'm supposed to fix.
admittedly, i was really freakin' stupid, and i have been doing some stupid stuff for a while, but i am stopping that, and it was my own deal, not jon's.
so that's all i've got, where do we go from here?
me.
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2 comments:
thank you. i know that i will always wonder if there was something more i could have done, said, not done. but i do know that i did try, and i have hope that this will work out. if i care enough, and i know that he used to.
why would you feel stupid?
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