getting better. i know that i was stupid, but i'm getting better. i hurt myself, i let other people hurt me, but i am getting b e t t e r. and i will be okay. angel helps, kostya helps, cheryl helps, erin helps. chris helps just a little bit, and knowing that i have people who care does help so much. thank you all. i love you.
i am keeping busy, i find that that helps too. i worry about the things i could have done, should have done, what i could do to make everything better. for jon. for my dad. for my mother. for all of my friends. but even the guilt passes after a while and succumbs to the voice of logic.
i think i might be addicted to cigs. i hope not, and i'm going this week without one to see how it works. we'll see...
i love you all, with all of my heart,
i dream for you, with all of my soul,
i hope for you with all of my dreams,
i pray for you with all that i am.
me, and that's okay. i swear...
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thanks for the offer, kostya. angel, i know that it hurts you to have to be the middle in all of this shit. i'm sorry for that. i would like to sit down and talk. if jon would be okay with that and it would end all of the fighting, i would really like to. you don't have to mediate if you don't want. you've been through so much hell from this as it is. if you want to, that would be good too. i want this to end, however it needs to be done.
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