i sat listening yesterday to a friend i really didn't know that well, spill out for me all of his anguish over losing a boyfriend of a year plus. i watched him tell me about the pain of rejection after he gave everything he had, and not being enough, as the tears built up in his eyes. but he refused to cry over it agian.
i listened to his heartache and thought, i've been there. but i said nothing. i nodded and gave my most sympathetic face, but at the time when he needed something most, because i remember needing something from the person i refused to cry in front of, i had nothing to say, nothing to give him.
what do you say to someone whose pain is so raw? how do you tell them everything you wish would make them feel better? when listening just isn't enough, i find mysef completely out of my depth, and remembered that i found no comfort in the empty words my friends had given me.
what do you do in that situation? what can you possibly say that has meaning?
next time i want to be prepared so:
suggestions, anyone? what was the best advice you ever got from a loved one or a wise one in a terrible situation?
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12 comments:
Talk your ass off, nothing will make it better.
*along the lines of Toby up there, I a firm believer of keeping things are normal as possible. If you always talked alot...YOU, then continue to do so. Don't masquerade who you are. At the funeral services for a gf's husband who was killed in a freak accident...like less than 2 weeks ago, I told her when I saw her, she said,
"He always liked you guys so much." and I said,
"And we loved to sit around after his Dad would leave and bad mouth him."
Hannah, she laughed. I felt like I might have accomplished something no one else had.
(Christ did I go on and on!)
A HUG works wonders!
I know it's cliche, but surviving our trials is what makes us stronger.
I guess my comment might have sounded a little rough, but to the point it was. Hannah, you do whatever you feel is appropriate at the time. There are no rules, there is no rule book when it comes to these things. Tshsmom says it gooder, a hug goes a long way.
Sometimes we need someone to just listen. Words are often empty anyway.
A hug and lending an ear is often enough.
Never , never , never give advise to a heart-sick guy or gal . They'll end up go'n back out and you'll end up look'n like the retard ! Give'em a shoulder and a kiss , even fuck'em , but never give advise !
I have been looking for an answer to that my whole like. I feel like an enormous idiot in these situations.
when my cousin died, a friend told me the story of when his mom died. his dad told him "when a rock star dies, everyone mourns" (there was a musician's funeral on the television) he looked at my friend and said "when your mother died, no one gave a damn".
it was odd and a little awkward for a bit, but it really did help.
i have yet to find a universal answer, but these are all good ones guys, thank you.
kostya - i appreciate you dropping a line, but i'm at college now sweetheart. i'm long gone to pretty much everyone that used to know me.
thanks about the tat, though. i really love it and it's great to get compliments on it.
*heya gurrl...how are you feeling?!
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