friends...people...

i'm losing people. it's not necessarily a bad thing, because with a few exceptions these people were worse for me as friends. more specifically, i'm losing anna and amanda. amanda drained me so much. after telling her this morning that i don't really trust her and knowing that i don't consider her a friend, i felt soooooo much better. i was hyper and happy all day. and i miss being hyper and happy, i haven't felt it in such a long time. i will miss anna, but perhaps we are better off without each other, we each hurt the other so much without wanting to. i miss jon, and i hope that i can be friends with him again someday soon. he was a valuable friend and a good person. i miss talking to him. and i'm sad that i have made him, and consequently almost everyone else, miserable. but i am happy to be shedding the excess and heavy baggage. i am happy that i don't have to worry about whether or not jon loves me, i am spending more time with angel and she brightens my world, and i have energy and emotional stability left for me! this is quite a change, and one for the better.