Friday, May 05, 2006

us monsters

i find it interesting that i know of two people like me, who at some point in their relationship honestly no longer give a damn about their significant other. sometimes this leads to break up, other times it just leads to a horribly unsatisfying relationship.
careful thought a while ago made me realize that while i was very happy with quite a few of my exes, i actually loved very few of them. alex was of course my first true love and i will never forget him or get over him.
funny, most of the ones that heard the words "i love you" were being lied to, whether i realized it or not. the only recent one i probably truly loved was adam, and even then not at the time when i said it. if he ever grows up, he'll make some lucky woman an excellent husband. i really do wish the best for him, including a wife that won't cheat on him again and again, stable employment, and the mentality befiting a man of his age.

perhaps the reason i can't love them is because i collect them like stray cats and i feel i have to fix or care for most of them. ever-destined to be the mother.

well, here's to us heartless bastards; us monsters have to stick together.
i love you wade and aj, maybe we'll figure it out one of these days.

1 comment:

wallycrawler said...

I know you loved that guy , but he was a user . I was a user for a long , long time . I'd lie , and cheat and lie I'd never cheat again . I'd do this routine over and over again and you know what ? I didn't even realize I was hurting people (women) and I didn't seem to care . I ended up alone at 35 thinking "what hap'nd" ?

I did turn myself around got some counseling and I'm better for it . Not until he's all alone will he realize his folly .

You should look for someone stable yet still exciting...What are you doing this weekend ?

Kid'n !?!?