Thursday, November 24, 2005

have you ever seen a llama kiss a llama on the llama?

so too much new shit, lots to think about.
probably listening to too much alkaline trio (step one: slit my throat, step two: play in my blood)
so when he talks about making it work with the wife again, i start to get really worried. for a few reasons. there is the logical part of me that says that he should be with his wife, they're married for fuck's sake! but she cheated in him, left him, doesn't love him. and i want to be with him. nothing matters so much when i am with him, he makes me beautiful and happy and safe. i really don't want to give that up. but if he does love her, can i do this in good conscience? circular thinking, getting me nowhere but a headache.
he wants to try it, for his conscience, for her sake, for whatever reason. but who would make him happier? he doesn't know. i wish i did, because then i could make his decision for him. but he doesn't want to try it because he doesn't think it'll work. so now what?
where do we go from here, indeed.
and there's the fact that i'm moving in with him in about 5 weeks. oh boy, that'd be interesting if she was there too. ha. ha.
i don't know what to do about this, how to make his decision easier or make him happier or just fix the whole damn scenario. and that's unusual for me and it's really frustrating.
grrr...

*he whispers that he loves her but she's probably only looking for sex*

4 comments:

wallycrawler said...

What does this guy got anyway ? Whatever it is good for him . If it's money [ I don't think so ] take it . If it's just companionship don't go for it , it'll never work and pain will follow . If it's love go for it ! I played this game a thousand times with , 'SO MANY GIRLS' , until I grew up . Take it from a former "prick" . Love & life is great when find the right person but you can never make wrong person , right . SA Later

hannah said...

it's moot, he decided to try it with his wife again.
*why won't my heart stop bleeding?*
but for some reason, i still really do love him. i don't know exactly what it is, mayhaps the combination of his everything, but i know that for self esteem or none, if things don't work between them, i'll still be here.

wallycrawler said...

Wow ! OK ! If you want to know something about me read My Life on my blog you can get a sense of where I'm at right now in my life . I'm just an asshole having fun and living my life one day at a time . Sa Later

Broken Vings said...

With hopes you last statement to wallycrawler is a moot point after reading some of your other post and I can see where wallycrawler is comming from. Most guys (Me included) are pricks, assholes, jerks, whatever but it takes the right person to change that and when she does most of us are willing to change our whole life around her without second guessing it or really even thinking about it. Women have this high ideal of love but for most men it is one conquest or trouphy after another until that one right person comes along then his world turns upside down and he would do anything to keep her. That I have to think is what the male verson of love is, at least at an open (quazzy) outside perspective but I could be wrong. I mean I am only male.