anger, pain, fear

so much of it all, and i think i am starting to be consumed. she had it all coming, one does not fuck so blatantly with other people's s os. especially not mine because i feel that that should be sacred. and then this new betreyal, from someone closer, who should have known better. it hurts, it worries me, and it makes me so angry that she accuses me of disgrace and asks for loyalty of family when she does what she does, even after being asked not to. i'm not sure why this makes me so angry, maybe part of it is fear. i am so afraid to lose him, i think it would kill me. and i know that the majority of the population is attracted to her, my father even was.
perhaps not the best example, but certainly one of the most disturbing.
so this hurts. it hurts me that she would be so hypocritical, it hurts that too many of my nearest and dearest don't like this situation, it hurts that it affects me so much, and that i seem to have really regained the anger problem that i thought i had figured out.
i know that it will work out or it won't, but it still hurts. and it scares me. and it makes me really damn angry.
me, little bitty scared, big bad-ass me