confused...rat bastards!

jesus bloody mother-fucking christ tapdancing through a cornfield!
travis and i have broken up. which is rather confusing because we are still fucking like rabbits and he still tells me that he loves me. it's kinda like best of friends/fuck buddies/god i wish i were still dating him. the biggest change is that i am no longer special to him. he says i still belong in his arms, but now i know i'm not the only one. it's not just my spot. and of course i have considerably less justification in getting pissed at all the backstabbing bitches that tell me they are here to support me and then do everything they can to get in his pants. fuckers.
so i'm confused, because i want this to be okay, but i'm afraid it won't be. it's wierd, he is still here and still close, but he's not mine anymore and that hurts so damn much.
and of course the irish catholic in me is beating the hell out of myself wanting to know what i did wrong, and i really don't know.
so there goes a lot of the self esteem that i had worked up since...everyone. jon. arron. tom. all of them.

i do believe my heart is broken.
so why is it still squirming and why won't it just stop thrashing aroud pitifully?
JUST DIE DAMN YOU!!! STOP RELAYING THE HURT!
ouch

rat bastards